tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post3269043014091541967..comments2023-06-28T13:47:43.983+01:00Comments on Autumn: The Four Seasons of Haikuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12478161106526373316noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post-70478638008655013822010-11-01T20:15:08.774+00:002010-11-01T20:15:08.774+00:00Alan -- always good to hear from you! know you'...Alan -- always good to hear from you! know you've been busy! will keep in mind your suggestion --Kelly M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/07281523503121981821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post-37717651085802063442010-10-29T21:27:22.202+01:002010-10-29T21:27:22.202+01:00I love those first two lines!
quiet morning strol...I love those first two lines!<br /><br /><i>quiet morning stroll<br />brittle song of dead leaves</i><br /><br />It shouldn't work in a haiku, but it does for me. Quite quite beautiful.<br /><br />The last line doesn't work for me, partly because it feels akin to an inversion.<br /><br />The phrase part is very personal, and I think many of us can instantly connect to it, and gain different moods at different times we read it.<br /><br />Neighbours raking the leaves repeats in part the fact there are fallen leaves, also makes it feel urban or suburban, whereas I could be anywhere I have been with brittle leaves.<br /><br />Those first two lines are breathtaking.<br /><br />Maybe a neutral non-intrusive last line? <br /><br />Those first two lines will stay with me for a long time, thank you. ;-)<br /><br />AlanArea 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.com