tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post7369254561854747213..comments2023-06-28T13:47:43.983+01:00Comments on Autumn: The Four Seasons of Haikuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12478161106526373316noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post-55604018310437498762009-09-28T00:54:55.317+01:002009-09-28T00:54:55.317+01:00Yes, it's all there, it's a very open haik...Yes, it's all there, it's a very open haiku, there are so many layers and I am sure someone will surprise us with a new interpretion. <br /><br />AlanArea 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post-57187405309332552292009-09-27T22:24:53.836+01:002009-09-27T22:24:53.836+01:00You've seen a lot in this, Kelly and Alan. I w...You've seen a lot in this, Kelly and Alan. I was also thinking of an ecological note - the delicacy of the spiders and their webs versus the big impact of jet aircraft...Dennis Tomlinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15392008080036061354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post-38657280050788857392009-09-27T10:40:37.044+01:002009-09-27T10:40:37.044+01:00There's a definite link with old and new i.e. ...There's a definite link with old and new i.e. spiders and planes, ground and sky, and subtle other layers. <br /><br />Good one! ;-)<br /><br />AlanArea 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post-74502691578093948422009-09-25T19:54:37.043+01:002009-09-25T19:54:37.043+01:00I like that you've joined the ephemeral nature...I like that you've joined the ephemeral nature of the two sets of markings -- very neat!Kelly M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/07281523503121981821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post-88238210044926466622009-09-25T16:18:21.919+01:002009-09-25T16:18:21.919+01:00Thanks for your appreciation and suggestions, Alan...Thanks for your appreciation and suggestions, Alan. Thinking of my experience yesterday morning, I prefer your first version:<br /><br />contrails<br />the spiders' webs<br />glisten in the sun<br /><br />The local hedges were covered with spiders' webs, lots of 'em! I also had the impression that the spider webs were not hanging there passively but were actively doing something, 'glistening in the sun'. Maybe I imply a slight breeze here as well.<br /><br />DennisDennis Tomlinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15392008080036061354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6760016053841385759.post-3130504223762160752009-09-25T11:19:15.925+01:002009-09-25T11:19:15.925+01:00I really this!
spiders' webs
glisten in the s...I really this!<br /><br /><i>spiders' webs<br />glisten in the sun<br />contrails in the sky</i><br /><br />I wonder if contrails could be moved to the first line, and leave out "in the sky"?<br /><br /><i>contrails<br />the spiders' webs<br />glisten in the sun<br /></i><br /><br />or zoom into just one of the webs?<br /><br /><i>contrails<br />the spider's web<br />glisten in the sun<br /></i><br /><br />or <br /><br /><i>contrails<br />the spider's web<br />in the sun<br /></i><br /><br /><i>contrails<br />the spiders' webs<br />in the sun<br /></i><br /><br />Alan<br /><a href="http://area17.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Area 17</a><br />.Area 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.com