One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way

---Shiki
____________________________

hedgerow cobwebs
shimmering with dew
bramble thorns

7 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I love that first line in particular, it says so much without any "telling".

I don't think you need to say "sharp" in the last line.

Alan

Leatherdykeuk said...

Ah! Very true!
thorns are generally sharp.

Thanks Alan

John McDonald said...

cobwebs and thorns shimmering - I love it
john

Paul Smith said...

Me too!

Alan Summers said...

Hi Rachel,

I've noticed, indirectly due to John's genius, that you don't need the dash in the middle:

hedgerow cobwebs
shimmering with dew
bramble thorns


Works as a pivot line, and also emphasise, without telling, that bramble thorns are indeed, ouch!, sharp. ;-)

Alan

Beatrice V said...

Gorgeous.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Oh! Clever amendment! Thank you John, and Alan again.