One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way

---Shiki
____________________________

a mellowing landscape
of darker, deeper shades
in my wardrobe

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6 comments:

John McDonald said...

nice one Beatrice
john

Alan Summers said...

I love it, and it also reminds me of Narnia and the wardrobe, one of my most favourite iconic memories!

Alan
Area 17
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Beatrice V said...

Thanks John and Alan.. will edit though, I think I prefer the word'shades' instead of 'colours'

Kelly Marszycki said...

I love this as I can see when the door slowly opens to reveal this very intimate landscape of one's clothing -- "to cloak is to reveal" . . . ?

Alan Summers said...

.
Good point that Beatrice has raised.

A haiku, like any poem, is never REALLY finished, no matter how good it is to the reader and/or the writer. ;-)

I liked "colours" but it does make more sense to have "shades" because it also strengthens the allusion aspect of the haiku.

Allusion in haiku is supremely important, moreso in Japanese haiku, where they do not recognise the Western idea of a 'haiku moment'.

For me, maybe not many others, and because I am a Narnia nut, I love that emotive resonant word of "wardrobe".

"Wardrobes" carry so many different meanings and layers. ;-)

Alan
Area 17

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diana l. said...

Simply wonderful.