One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way

---Shiki
____________________________

stillness
lamps become dots of light
on misty streets

2 comments:

Alan Summers said...

Hi Rachel,

I really like the phrase (last two lines) but feel that the first line isn't strong enough.

Yikes, that sounds harsh.

I love the last two lines!

I just don't think you need to mention "stillness of night.

Without that bold statement it really open it up to not only night, but the small hours, and also the hour just before most people get up.

I think you could have a completely different subject for the first line that emphasises the 'stillness' without stating.

Alan

Leatherdykeuk said...

Thanks, Alan - it's much better like that.