One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way

---Shiki
____________________________

cemetery wall
Victoria plums overhang
unexpected snack

2 comments:

Alan Summers said...

Hi Rachel,

cemetery wall
Victoria plums overhang
unexpected snack


At the moment it's a kind of inversion, which you don't need because if you follow a linear progression you get the surprise effect

e.g.

unexpected snack
Victoria plums overhang
the cemetery wall


all my best,

Alan
Alan's Haiku Blog of Events

Leatherdykeuk said...

Oh! Excellent revision, Alan. Thank you.