pale pendulous moona heavy promisecold nights aloneI like it. Did you mean to make this a winter kigo haiku (with "cold")I think you could add "of" to make the last two lines into a phrase.pale pendulous moonthe heavy promiseof cold nights aloneorpale pendulous moonthe heavy promiseof nights aloneorpale moonthe heavy promiseof lonely nightsAlan1000 Verse Renga.
I guess autumn heads us toward winter. Originally, I wrote:pale pendulous moonheavy with a promise -cold nights aloneThen, following some feedback regarding other haiku I've written, I decided to try to keep each line a bit more independent as opposed to so many wrap-around phrases. So now, I'm a bit stumped as to what I should be aiming for here.
one can feel the weight of this haiku -- pale pendulous moonheavy with promise -cold nights alone it's difficult not to tinker too much, isn't it?
I like your version best, Kelly. (Thanks.)
Hi Diana,Don't feel stumped. ;-)The good thing about haiku is that we are forever learning. ;-)Fragment and phrase (wrap around two lines) isn't the only technique, just useful in some circumstances.Haiku with three separate lines is difficult to achieve.If Basho took the time to edit his work over a period of several years we shouldn't be in such a hurry. ;-)Enjoy the haiku journey! ;-)Alan1000 Verse Renga.
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