One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way

---Shiki
____________________________

wet leaves, limp, black
glistening -
a broken mirror


thanks diana

5 comments:

Dennis Tomlinson said...

I like the imaginative simile!

diana l. said...

I really like the image but think the haiku would be much stronger if pared down a lot. Maybe something like:

wet leaves, limp, black
glistening
a broken mirror

What do you think?

(I'm also trying, myself, to practice what I'm preaching here - that is, the "less is more" mantra, at the advice of some very talented others.)

David said...

That's it! Perfect diana!

Serves me right for putting the line together at work, where I'm drenched in imagery. I should have been thinking haiku.

Thanks a lot

David

diana l. said...

Being drenched in imagery at work sounds like a lot of fun! (I tend to get drenched in the pain of others at my job...)

Glad this worked for you.

David said...

I am very fortunate - and i get paid for it too.