wet leaves, limp, black
glistening -
a broken mirror
thanks diana
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New Indian English Poetry : An Alternative Voice : R.K. Singh/edited by I.K. Sharma Edited by I.K. Sharma Vedams Books 8181520858
One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way
---Shiki
____________________________
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way
---Shiki
____________________________
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5 comments:
I like the imaginative simile!
I really like the image but think the haiku would be much stronger if pared down a lot. Maybe something like:
wet leaves, limp, black
glistening
a broken mirror
What do you think?
(I'm also trying, myself, to practice what I'm preaching here - that is, the "less is more" mantra, at the advice of some very talented others.)
That's it! Perfect diana!
Serves me right for putting the line together at work, where I'm drenched in imagery. I should have been thinking haiku.
Thanks a lot
David
Being drenched in imagery at work sounds like a lot of fun! (I tend to get drenched in the pain of others at my job...)
Glad this worked for you.
I am very fortunate - and i get paid for it too.
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