muddied leaves
slick beneath my feet
just as in love --
I must tread gingerly
(revised -- thanks, Alan!)
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New Indian English Poetry : An Alternative Voice : R.K. Singh/edited by I.K. Sharma Edited by I.K. Sharma Vedams Books 8181520858
One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way
---Shiki
____________________________
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way
---Shiki
____________________________
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4 comments:
both are slippery slopes.
I love this!
I just wonder if you could just add "I"
muddied leaves
slick beneath my feet
just as in love --
must tread gingerly
to
muddied leaves
slick beneath my feet
just as in love --
I must tread gingerly
Alan
1000 Verse Renga Project
.
Thanks Rachel! And Alan-- I was pondering in a more general sense, not necessarily reflecting back to me?
I know what you mean, but it sounds just a little clipped. As this is very tanka like you can either go for "I" or "we" maybe?
Alan
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