both are slippery slopes.
I love this!I just wonder if you could just add "I"muddied leavesslick beneath my feetjust as in love --must tread gingerlytomuddied leavesslick beneath my feetjust as in love --I must tread gingerlyAlan1000 Verse Renga Project.
Thanks Rachel! And Alan-- I was pondering in a more general sense, not necessarily reflecting back to me?
I know what you mean, but it sounds just a little clipped. As this is very tanka like you can either go for "I" or "we" maybe?Alan
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4 comments:
both are slippery slopes.
I love this!
I just wonder if you could just add "I"
muddied leaves
slick beneath my feet
just as in love --
must tread gingerly
to
muddied leaves
slick beneath my feet
just as in love --
I must tread gingerly
Alan
1000 Verse Renga Project
.
Thanks Rachel! And Alan-- I was pondering in a more general sense, not necessarily reflecting back to me?
I know what you mean, but it sounds just a little clipped. As this is very tanka like you can either go for "I" or "we" maybe?
Alan
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