One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way

---Shiki
____________________________

scent of cedarwood
the sound of chainsaws
drowns the crows


(edited)

10 comments:

Alan Summers said...

Crows compete
with the sound of chainsaws
the scent of cedars


Maybe swap lines around, even shorten them?

e.g.

scent of cedar
crows compete
with chainsaws


Alan
1000 Verse Renga

Leatherdykeuk said...

Thank you Alan

Kelly Marszycki said...

Interesting combination of soft sounds -- "scent", "cedarwood", "sound" -- ending with that hard C with crows -- a satisfying visual and aural symmetry to this!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Thank you Kelly.
I'm ashamed to say I hadn't noticed!

Beloved Haiku Dreams said...

Love this one and I agree with Kelly. The sounds blend ever so softly.

love-Melanie-bhd

Alan Summers said...

I love the edited version, well done Rachel!!!! ;-)

Another stunning haiku.

Alan
1000 Verse Renga
.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Thank you both :)

David said...

this is really good. Love it!!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Thank you, David

diana l. said...

Wonderfully sensory!