scent of cedarwood
the sound of chainsaws
drowns the crows
(edited)
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New Indian English Poetry : An Alternative Voice : R.K. Singh/edited by I.K. Sharma Edited by I.K. Sharma Vedams Books 8181520858
One edge
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way
---Shiki
____________________________
hanging over the mountain--
the Milky Way
---Shiki
____________________________
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Followers
10 comments:
Crows compete
with the sound of chainsaws
the scent of cedars
Maybe swap lines around, even shorten them?
e.g.
scent of cedar
crows compete
with chainsaws
Alan
1000 Verse Renga
Thank you Alan
Interesting combination of soft sounds -- "scent", "cedarwood", "sound" -- ending with that hard C with crows -- a satisfying visual and aural symmetry to this!
Thank you Kelly.
I'm ashamed to say I hadn't noticed!
Love this one and I agree with Kelly. The sounds blend ever so softly.
love-Melanie-bhd
I love the edited version, well done Rachel!!!! ;-)
Another stunning haiku.
Alan
1000 Verse Renga
.
Thank you both :)
this is really good. Love it!!
Thank you, David
Wonderfully sensory!
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