Autumn

rusty smell embedded
in my fingers --
dead-heading marigolds

Area 17 said...: Hi Kelly,

I've enjoyed coming back to this haiku several times. ;-)

rusty smell embedded
in my fingers --
dead-heading marigolds

I love that last line! Also we tend to think of roses when dead-heading is mentioned, but it's as logical to dead-head marigolds, albeit for different reasons.

Could it become the first and main line? e.g.

dead-heading marigolds
the rusty smell embedded
in my fingers

Alan
With Words
.; October 02, 2009
Kelly M. said...: I think it could! I did try it both ways and finally stayed with the last line -- Thank you, Alan! Always learn something new when you stop by -- congrats on your recent events -- saw the Area 17 releases!; October 02, 2009
Area 17 said...: I know what you mean!

I've been reading your haiku many times, but also leaving quite a gap before I read it again.

That third line as a "first line" is so good for setting up the haiku, that it needn't be used for a kind of 'last line' punchline.

Just thinking out aloud, as the poem has definitely embedded itself in me. ;-)

Thanks for enjoying the Area 17 events, we had so much fun on all of them! ;-)

Alan
area 17
.; October 02, 2009

Autumn Events