Autumn

summer fades
into memory
meandering leaves

Area 17 said...: I really like the first two lines!

summer fades
into memory
leaves wave limply

I wonder if a tighter 3rd line could juxtapose the lyrical first part?

e.g.

summer fades
into memory
just a few leaves

just a few leaves
summer fades
into memory

summer fades
just a few leaves
into memory

I think this could be extended into a tanka. Your lyrical touch is highly suitable to tanka. ;-)

all my best,
Alan
With Words
.; October 04, 2009
diana l. said...: Thank you, Alan.

I was struck by how the leaves seemed to be waving goodbye to the fading season, but perhaps this didn't come across...; October 05, 2009
Area 17 said...: "waves" is too anthromorpic, trust yourself, you are such an amazing poet,

I think your strength is tanka, but hold back on certain 'obviousisms, and anthromorphisms". Be certain in yourself that you don't need to telegraph.

Alan; October 06, 2009
diana l. said...: Thank you again, Alan. Point taken.; October 06, 2009
Area 17 said...: Lovely haiku, with that tinge of tanka that you do so well. ;-)

That is such a gorgeous last line which really works well with the first two lines.

Absolutely gorgeous poem!

It makes for terrific joyous re-readings.

Alan
Alan's Haiku Blog of Events
.; October 06, 2009
diana l. said...: Thank you so much, Alan. What a nice comment with which to wrap up the day!; October 07, 2009

Autumn Events