Hi David,With a terrific opening line I don't think you all of that in the second line.All night the the wind and rainclawed at the scored slopes of the mountainAll night the the wind and rainthe scored slopes of the mountainAlanArea17.
That's good AlancheersD
my humble rewrite:all night wind rainscored mountain slopesleaving out the three 'the's...
Very strong (and great photo!) Good feedback, too.
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4 comments:
Hi David,
With a terrific opening line I don't think you all of that in the second line.
All night the the wind and rain
clawed at the scored slopes of the mountain
All night the the wind and rain
the scored slopes of the mountain
Alan
Area17
.
That's good Alan
cheers
D
my humble rewrite:
all night wind rain
scored mountain slopes
leaving out the three 'the's...
Very strong (and great photo!) Good feedback, too.
Post a Comment